My pain is for you by QPT You are the smell of brewing coffee in the lazy early morn, waking my senses to the anticipation of you, the aroma of your love. You’re the distant chimes of bells, subtly attracting my attention back to you. I am naturally finding myself hinged upon the idea of you and of having you. But I am bombarded by every conclusion that I and you are words that no sentences could conceive. We chose to walk different lines, hearts apart. Here in my bed, staring at the ceiling, I am flooded with the thoughts of you and the fantastical idea that I was the choice you picked. My mind is exploding from the proverbial pain crashing through me every single time I’m reminded both of the aftermath of your onslaught and the happy days that are now could-have-beens. At nights where my sobs are seeking solace from the dark and quiet walls of my room, I utter a wish. A wish for me to wake up free from your clutch, to not be reminded that I came close to being the one, but not q...
Posts
Things an International Student should know If you are reading this, then you are walking my road, taking my backpack, and preparing to be confused. But wait up.. Breathe for a while. I am not trying to put off your patronus here. As a matter of fact, this might just ignite some fighting spirit that you never though hid behind your long calluses of academic labor. This international education, this going-abroad-are-you-crazy experience will change you. I swear, I was there… I am there. However, as exhilarating as it sounds, there are tough encounters ahead. You are all smiling and excited facing this huge opportunity and all of the sudden you’re hit by a snowball of reality straight in the face and you’d see how terrifying it is. So this blog post is to tell you, straight-faced, no concealments, how difficult yet humbling my journey as an international student in a foreign land. 1. The Language With English being the second lang...
Thousands of miles apart, An hour of time difference away, A 6-hour flight too far A rant from an International Student Finally, the caffeine kicked in and so is my artistic vibe. There were nights when I waited, after downing cup after cup of coffee, for my writer’s block to lift its way up. So here I am on what was meant to be a thesis-night, letting my fingers dance with the keyboard and let the motion sway my stress away. These days what I’m prouder of are my hard-earned eyebags, my five times a day coffee habit and my Bahasa Indonesia Conversational skills that’s making me more and more confused in every conversation. But here’s the thing, It’s not as difficult as I hoped. There are long nights, I won’t deny that. And I might have shed a tear or two. But in every passing day, even how confusing and frustrating everything is, I learned to be more and more determined to finish my studies here. There were so many times that I doubted my cho...
Ms. CASS (Ms. IIT) is Imma Concepcion Galeriana You may still have doubts of your capabilities and you may still believe that you are not fit to be a pageant queen. Even after taking home the crown. But here’s my say. It’s all in your head. Even if there were so many times that you convinced me that you can’t do it, I kept on insisting that you can. You have told me a couple of times before that you wanted quitting and that you don’t want to represent PolSci anymore but I was unfazed. I can still recall our long text messages about me convincing you that you can’t quit. I remember wanting to give up and find another but for some reason I believed I’ll get to hear you say yes. And thanks to your mom, she had you cornered to say yes, yes to representing PolSci. Even before I knew, I had to be patient because eventually when you realize that you have no escape, you’ll be forced to do it. Only then when you’re actually doing it will you realize why I put ...
Closed my eyes and Jumped When they told me travelling alone will be liberating, I want to scream at them and tell them how scary it was and how paranoid it made me feel. I was excited, yes. I’M MOVING TO ANOTHER COUNTRY TO STUDY FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. OF COURSE I’M EXCITED! But more to that excitement is the gut-wrenching feeling of losing entirely your comfort zone and enter a gazillion times confusing maze. It’s kind of like entering the level 90 of tetris of your brother but you’re still a Novice player in your own account. So you get how fast everything moves right? It’s like they are in their own fast yet familiar rhythm but you’re trying to join them but you’re way out of tune. YET. There were so many times that I asked myself whether I need a master’s degree or not and if I really have to take it in Indonesia or just in my home country. But the adventure is calling me, the opportunity is screaming right in my face in a very deafening pitch and I just have to be brave en...
To the Bridges I Built.. By: QPVT In this life I was lucky enough to be surrounded with great people. Some I’ve met a few years back, some almost my entire life, some just months ago but still I unendingly thank God for every one of them. To live miles from your hometown with no family or with no people you’re used to have beside you is like taking Harry Potter out of Hogwarts and putting him to King’s Landing. It’s like rebuilding your life from ground zero. True, your family and friends are just a call away, but the obvious physical distance between you and them always reminds you that THIS is something you have to figure out alone During my first few weeks, I wandered around Iligan wanting to get a tinge of familiarity from the warmth and vibrancy of my hometown but the first impression I uttered was, “I miss our fresh air in Bukidnon.” The thick smog and the hot whips of air to your face is not something I’m used to after growing up to the cold climate of m...
Our “The End” By: QPVT I have always been the biggest fan of fairytale endings. I believed in so many things with no restraints or fear that it may turn out to be just as bad as the previous heartbreaks I had. I believed that we’d get a bubble moment to say to the other all the fearful euphoria. I imagined the things we’d do and the words I’d write when we’re in our little world. I had thought of the endearments that would kiss our mouths when we’d finally get past all these insecurities. But I guess even dreams are better off being dreams. Eyes must be opened and hopes must be killed. Life found its way of eluding dreams from coming true. Life screwed up my almost-happy-ever-after. Once again, Life won and we didn’t. Now, being outside our storybook, I realized that I have to close the book with the impending “The End” inside it. I have to chart another course and plan out my escape plan. I’m sorry I can’t watch it with you until the credits roll. I have to d...
Bubble By: QPVT Is there no bubble in the world that could encage us for a minute? A bubble that would block away the world’s intentions of ruining us, or ex-girlfriends who are planning their best to get back at us; Bubble that would serve as a filter from the lies and the trust issues that find its way to the weak spots in our body and eventually accumulate and burst into termites eating up what we built. I know it’s selfish to keep you for myself and I know that it won’t be possible for you are not mine to begin with but can I just please live in a hypothetical notion that in some God-given, Fairy-granted dream, I could possibly be with you inside a bubble; Inside the bubble where no fears may infiltrate our frail hearts and where no negativity could penetrate our overly protective defense mechanism. I know I’m too naïve to believe that we’d ever get our shot or ma...
When I look at you By: QPVT When I look at you, it’s like I’m taking my first sip of my hot café Americano. Your face is the first drop of rain after a decade of drought. Your smile is the air I first inhale when I come up from a deep long dive. Your eyes are the hurricane that continually brings me down my knees. I know, you don’t have to remind me countless times, I’m powerless over you. You are a tornado. I have to grip roughly to the things around me because your nearness pulls my body towards you like north and south poles of an electromagnetic field. Your wind whips unforgivingly and every lash of it is a tablespoon of salt being sprinkled over the wounds that tell me, You are the bigger entity that could destroy me and I’m just nothing but a victim of your massive mission for devastation. I may be a casualty but I’m afraid I’ll be fine with it. I’ll be fine surviving with the relief goods of your af...
Our Dichotomy of Love and Hate by: QPVT I know we never do agree. I cringe my nose at some of your infamous antics and I usually furrow my eyebrows when you raise your ideas. I yell at you for leaving the faucet on while you brush your teeth because even up to now, five years later you never get my hype on environmental conservation. You tell me that an hour to prepare for a dinner date is far too much and that I don’t have to curl my hair when I know I’m going to straighten it again the next day (As if trying to look good is a big crime). You never understood why i had to drink coffee every night and I’ll never understand why you put too much creamer on your Americano when it defeats the whole point of ordering black coffee. You sleep with your socks on (Even in a 90° summer night) and I hate it when you pull all the blankets towards you, I mean who won’t be right? You asked why I had to sing so loud when I’m inside the shower or why I had to rea...